Are you struggling to figure out how to deal with toxic family members Biblically?
Maybe you’ve been wondering, “What does the Bible say about cutting people out of your life?” and now you’re looking up Bible verses about toxic family or Bible verses about toxic relationships in general.
Maybe you aren’t even sure if you are dealing with toxic family members or if your family is simply annoying.
You know you want to be a good Christian and do the right thing, but it seems like no matter how much you love, forgive and turn the other cheek, the mistreatment never stops — only gets worse.
The situation is completely unhealthy, everyone involved is miserable, and nothing is working, no matter how much you try.
You want to be kind, but they’re driving you crazy, and you’re not sure what to do.
So now you’re wondering, “What does the Bible say about dealing with toxic relationships?”
The good news is, if you have toxic people in your life or you are in a toxic relationship, you are not alone!
In fact, I had a sweet reader of my Dr.Diana Brevan’s Devotionals ask me how to deal with toxic family members Biblically not that long ago, and I thought you might benefit from hearing my answer to her as well.
After all, as Christians, we don’t just want to go off on our loved ones or respond in anger and hurt. You don’t want to start cutting people out of your life or cut ties with toxic family members or friends for no reason.
We want to know how to deal with toxic family members Biblically so we can use these Bible’s wisdom to guide our actions.
So with that in mind, here’s my best advice on how to respond to toxic family members Biblically. I hope it helps. You may be wondering, “Am I in a toxic relationship with my family?” Or, “Is my sister a toxic person?”
Let’s turn to the Bible for an answer.
The Bible describes what love is supposed to look like in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It says:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Now, if we take the opposite of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, what do we see?
We see several signs of a toxic person or signs of a toxic relationship:
Lacks patience
Is verbally and/or physically abusive
Acts jealous over every little thing
Boasts excessively
Is excessively prideful
Dishonors others
Is self-seeking
Reminds others of past mistakes
Delights in your pain or suffering
Neglects or refuses to protect or defend you
Refuses to trust
Lacks hope
Gives up easily
If your friends and family members are simply annoying, it’s probably best to give them grace and try to overlook their faults, if speaking with them doesn’t help.
If you read these signs of a toxic relationships, however, and thought, “Yep. I definitely have toxic family members,” then this article on how to deal with toxic family members Biblically is definitely for you.
What Does The Bible Say About Toxic Family Members?
So now that we’ve identified the signs of a toxic relationship, what should we do about it? Do we have to “play nice” because they’re family, or is cutting people out of your life ever okay? What does the Bible say about cutting ties with family?
Let’s take a look.
As Christians, many of us are aware of these Bible verses:
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.” — Luke 6:27-31
And yes, we absolutely should love our enemies. But I think sometimes we forget what love really means.
Loving someone well does not mean always playing “nice,” always being the peacemaker, or just letting other people walk all over you. This isn’t love–it’s called enabling.
A better definition of love would be: honoring the true dignity of another person, acknowledging their inherent worth as human beings, created and loved by God, and doing everything in your power to do good for them and to act in their best interest.
Yes, it absolutely can include being “kind” (see 1 Cor. 13:4 again), but it’s so much more than that. And in fact, if you really examine the way Jesus behaves in the Gospels, his actions aren’t always what we consider “nice.”
When a Canaanite woman asks Jesus for his help in Matthew 15:26, “He replied, ‘It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.'”
Jesus tells the Pharisees, “You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” in Matthew 12:34.
And let’s not forget how “Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves” in Matthew 21:12.
Now, I wouldn’t actually recommend you calling your in-laws dogs or vipers or flipping their tables! My point here is ONLY that the Bible does not teach us that we need to be super polite, calm and passive to the point of being walked over and enabling others in their sins.
In fact, Jesus instructs the apostles to “leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet” in Matthew 10:14 and to “treat [unrepentant sinners] as you would a pagan or a tax collector” in Matthew 18:17.
Jesus’s plan for our lives isn’t to make us “nice.” It’s to make us (and our loved ones) holy. Sometimes that means treating others kindly. But other times that means protecting ourselves and our families instead of protecting the feelings of others who insist on pursuing sinful attitudes or behaviors. How to Deal With Toxic Family Members Biblically
So since the Bible doesn’t teach us to be passive doormats, how should we deal with toxic family members Biblically?
Here’s what I would advise:
1. Assess the Situation Honestly
Toxic family members are annoying. So it only makes sense that you might get worked up when your friends and family members start showing the signs of a toxic person or you start noticing the many signs of a toxic relationship.
Before you get too worked up, though, take a step back and assess the situation honestly:
Is the other person actually toxic, or simply annoying, thoughtless, etc?
Is the problem serious enough to warrant action, or can you simply overlook it for the sake of family unity?
Are you sure the other person’s actions are intentional, not simply perceived?
What type of effect is the behavior having on you and your family?
What have you done to remedy the situation in the past, if anything?
Have you actually told the other person how you are feeling, and what you’d like to change?
Are things getting better, staying the same, or getting worse?
In the best-case scenario: you may realize that the other party truly didn’t mean to hurt you and that they were unaware that their behavior was coming across so hurtful. If this is the case, then you may simply need to have a conversation.
Alternately, if the behavior is purposeful but small enough in nature, you may simply be able to ignore it or avoid the situation when possible. Life isn’t perfect and people are annoying, and sometimes we just have to deal with annoying people.
Yes, there are absolutely times when you may need to take action (there are times when cutting people out of your life is the right choice to make), but let’s not jump there quite yet.
Can the behavior simply be resolved or overlooked? If so (and the situation isn’t serious), then start here.
2. Accept Responsibility for Any Wrongdoing on Your Part
Next, let’s take a minute to look at yourself and any part you may have played in the issue: Have you done anything to make the situation worse? Or failed to do something to make the situation better?
While the situation may not be ultimately “your fault” (especially in cases of outright abuse), once we reach adulthood, each of us is responsible for and accountable for our own actions.
And this is good news! Because it means that you have the power and ability to choose different actions, and to improve your situation.
It’s time to get honest with yourself.
Have you said or done anything hurtful to the other person? (even unintentionally!)
Have you ever failed to treat them as kindly or as respectfully as you should have?
Have you ever been selfish, self-centered or mean-spirited?
Again, I’m not saying the mistreatment is your fault. But if you have done (or continue to do) things that hurt the other party, they may be acting out of that hurt. And a heartfelt apology for any wrongdoings on your part may be just what the other person needs to heal.
You aren’t responsible for them, but you are responsible and accountable for YOU — no matter what they’ve done to “deserve it.”
3. Set Healthy, Biblical Boundaries With Family
Next, once you’ve gotten honest about the situation and the role you may have played in it, it’s time to set some Biblical boundaries with family members and friends who may need them.
What behaviors will you accept? Which behaviors will you not accept? Where is the boundary? Dr.Diana Brevan
We are a Life Changing Ministry,, a Going ministry and a growing Ministry and Praying Ministry, This is a Growing Ministry, a Ministry that Brings Results !
Senior Pastor, Dr. Diana Brevan,
Jesus Is Lord Fellowship WWI
USA Headquarters
PO Box2752 Inverness Florida 344
headquartersjilfwwi@yahoo.com
Deacon Matthew Helmich.
matt76021@yahoo.com
WWW.Jesusislordfellowshipwwi.bravehost.com
No Membership required. Everyone is welcome every moment of your day and night to visit us to click on the Icon Fellowship Hall and Receive Your Word of the day as you scroll for your day and your weekly message and Word of God. Please as you visit regular click on the guestbook and sign the guest book so we will know that you came to visit us and how you enjoyed your stay. God bless you and remember Jesus Is Lord!
Please contact Dr Diana Brevan re Bible StudiesHeadquartersjilfwwi@yahoo.com
Now stand in agreement and Lets Praise Him Church Lets Praise Him! No Matter who you are what background you hold You are welcome to Worship with us and receive as well the Word in all of our Websites everyone that has breath is welcome to receive our weekly Bible Studies Everyone that has breath is welcome to Raise their hands and Touch The Hem of the Lords Garment In Prayer as we two or more gathered standing in agreement together!
Prayer Room World Wide Warriors on Facebook Site
https://www.facebook.com/groups/519140074816300/
Jesus Is Lord Fellowship World Wide Certified GPA Bible Studies Class Room on Facebook Site
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1155622584614925/
Dr Diana Brevan Founder/President/Senior Pastora