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I totally agree, i used to drink and smoke pot from the age of 16, and not slightly, a lot, every day!!

At @ 19, i started having panic attacks and anxiety, so by 21 i had given up drinking and smoking completely, and now i feel a bit more in control.

I wish i could have a drink sometimes, but it triggers the thoughts of worry which triggers the panic attack. I still worry about things, and like you, as soon as i stop worrying about something, another thing crops up.

My boyfriend has been great, but recently he says he wants more from life, travel, going out for meals with his boss and colleagues out of town, etc. All things i would love to be able to do but can't yet. This makes me feel like i will never find anyone who will love me with my anxiety.

But i am keeping my chin up and keeping working at it for me, no-one else.

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Everyone on this site talks about panic attacks as if they are not part of the whole person - but something that sneaks up on them from the outside. If you really think about it seriously there are triggers that set you off into the panic realm. Very quick thoughts that cross your mind before you even register them. The trick is to catch these thoughts and then deal with them. I have had panic attacks for three years now and at first I refused to believe that I a confident Medical Secretary could possibly have panic attacks - there was some sort of mistake. What I had was life threatening and I was seriously ill (well that is what I thought) imagine the humiliation of knowing it was a panic attack.



Talk about a life spiraling out of control at that point. Three years on and after numerous blood tests, a CT scan, tears at the doctors etc, I finally had to admit I was having panic attacks. Sound familiar?



My life over the last 12 years has not been good and I have pretended to be happy, kept it all going, but something if I am truly honest had to give and it did - me. I am actually glad now that I have had panic attacks, I think I needed them, without having that massive attack which resulted in my hands clawing in and not being able to move my legs (while driving!), I would have continued with the lifestyle I had and been miserable.



How to deal with the anxiety now?



I never gave up driving I got back in my car the next day, but it has been hard, I hate being in traffic jams as I begin to feel trapped, breathing helps and so does listening to music (Moby is very relaxing). I have noticed that I over come one thing and get anxious about something else.



All panickers have trained their minds to panic - trained themselves to feel fear all the time.



To get over panic you must first stop feeling fear this I have found is the start of a panic attack, to me the panic attack is not as bad as the fear I feel in the first 5 seconds.



The reason why Panic is so hard to treat is because it is all about the individual. It is not about beating the panic, surely that is just beating yourself? Look deeper, something about the way you live, who your with, where you are in your life is not right, your just getting a wake up call